The greatest life regret of people

Bronnie Ware is a nurse in Australia. She has spent more than a decade counseling dying people. During that time span, she began noting the biggest regrets people feel at their deathbed.

After 12 years, she concluded that the most common regret was the following:

“I wish I had had the courage to live a life that suited myself, rather than the life others expected of me.

Why is this such a common regret at the end of our lives? And how can you make sure you don’t end up feeling the same way?

How to be courageous and avoid the biggest regrets
If you are reading this , then you probably have the power to make choices in your daily life. It’s rare that we are forced to live the way we don’t want to (thankfully). But still, many of us end up wishing we had lived in a way that was more true to ourselves.

Here’s how I believe this happens:

Any time I feel like I’m stuck in neutral, it’s usually the result of not having a clear goal. I find myself working without defining what the work is supposed to be, or hoping for change without determining the underlying actions that would lead to it. In other words, I’m not clear about what’s important to me and how to achieve it. More on this in a moment.

Here’s the bottom line:

If you never draw a line in the sand and clarify what is really important to you, you will end up doing what is expected of you. If you don’t have a clear goal in mind that drives you, you’ll just do what others think is good. We are not sure what we really want, and so we do what we think other people want.

The gray areas in life usually arise when we haven’t decided what we believe.

I think we all find ourselves in that situation from time to time. And that’s one reason why I think many of us end up living the life others want us to live, rather than living a life that suits ourselves.

I often think about how I can live a purposeful life and how I can live an important life instead of an urgent life. When it comes to being clear about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, I like to use a technique I call the Bullseye Method.

The Bullseye Method

“A skilled archer should first know the target he is aiming at and then use his hand, bow, string, arrow and movement accordingly. Our advice goes astray because it is not properly directed and has no fixed target. No wind blows for him who has no goal to sail after.”

-Michel de Montaigne

The above quote essentially says, “If you didn’t know where the target was, you’d never shoot an arrow and expect it to hit the bull’s eye.”

And yet, we often live our lives this way. We wake up and face the world day after day (we keep shooting arrows), but we focus on everything but the target.

For example, if you want to get in shape, the goal is to become the type of person who never misses a workout. That’s the goal. And yet, many of us spend our time looking for a stronger bow (exercise program) or a better arrow (diet plan) or a tighter sinew (running shoes). These things are important, but none of them will do you any good if you don’t shoot your arrows in the right direction.

The Bullseye method ignores the things we normally focus on, like tactics, resources, or tools. Instead, it focuses on the identity and location of the target. It forces us to get clear about what we really want out of life.

In other words, forget about what you want to accomplish or what you want to look like. A bullseye is not “put on 10 pounds of muscle” or “build a successful business.” The bullseye is a life focused on the goal. It means having a goal and a clear direction for the actions you will take.

What kind of person do you want to become? What values do you want to stand for? What actions do you want to make your habits?

The only way to live a life that is true to you is to have a goal around which you organize your life. Where is your goal point?

What have you always wanted for yourself?
Nothing is as important as knowing exactly where your goal is.

If you know what you are aiming for, you will find a way to achieve it. Don’t have a bow and arrow? You can throw a rock at your target. You can run up and hit it. You can buy a rifle. There are a million ways to reach a target, but there is only one target.

Too often we shoot arrows in the general direction of our desires instead of taking time to figure out how to live a life that is aligned with the goal. Stop firing shots before you know where you want them to go.

Are you guilty of shooting arrows in the general direction? Or do you know down to the tiny dot of the target where you want to go and why?

It’s not easy, but if you take the time to be clear about what you stand for and where you want to go, the bold steps will come easily. Clarity of purpose is everything.

A motivational advice by Icehrm.com, one of the most promising digital HR platform.