The 5 Most Common Mistakes in 1-on-1 Meetings

Effective one-on-one conversations are the first line of defense against “quiet quitting” – that is, when employees stay with the company but only put in minimal effort. Quiet quitting is a result of poor management, not poor employees.

A study of over 2,500 leaders and 13,000 employees found that the leaders who were worst at aligning employee needs with results had three to four times as many quiet quitters on their teams. In contrast, leaders who cared most about their employees’ needs had an employee engagement rate of 62% and a turnover rate of only 3%.

Whether you want to develop your own management skills or those of the leaders in your company, we have compiled some key principles for building positive employee-manager relationships through one-on-one meetings and highlight five common mistakes to avoid.

Thanks to flexible HR software that strengthens employee retention, tracks performance, and facilitates communication, one-on-one meetings quickly become indispensable opportunities for exchange.

What is a one-on-one meeting?

A one-on-one meeting is a regular meeting between two people, typically a manager and a team member. Common topics of discussion include performance, professional development, job satisfaction, and well-being.

5 Common Mistakes in One-on-One Meetings

1. Postponing the Meeting – or Worse, Canceling It

Apart from sick days, vacation, and emergencies, you should never cancel your one-on-one meetings. As a manager, you are often very busy, and it can be tempting to postpone one-on-ones to have more time to get tasks done.

But even if you gain 30 extra minutes this way, you are doing yourself and your team a disservice. A study by the Harvard Business Review found that a canceled 15- to 30-minute conversation with an employee can have the following consequences:

• Gives your employee the feeling of not being a priority.  
• Makes it harder for your employees to improve the quality of their work.  
• Leads your team to find other, much less effective ways of getting in touch, such as flooding your inbox with emails or constantly hanging around your desk.

Make sure that you and your team always come to your one-on-one meetings prepared and ready to talk. This saves you time and frustration and prevents you from sending the wrong message to your team.  

2. Project updates dominate the conversation.  

The main purpose of one-on-one meetings is to build a relationship with your employees, not just to review their schedule or deadlines.

If you find yourself in danger of going in this direction, here are some ways to focus more on growth and development discussions:

• Adjust expectations: Make it clear to your employee that you feel you are spending too much time on project updates in one-on-one meetings, and reiterate the purpose and goal of the meeting.  
• Adjust the agenda: When reviewing your meeting agenda and noticing that most items lead to status updates, add other questions for one-on-one meetings, like the ones mentioned above.  
• Schedule a separate project check-in meeting: If you need time during the day or week to get updates on your team's projects, schedule a separate appointment for that.

3. Confusion Between Performance Reviews and One-on-One Meetings

Performance reviews are intended to discuss long-term goals and outcomes, whereas one-on-one meetings are meant for ongoing development and support.

The objectives of the two meetings are completely different.

Objectives of performance reviews:

• Review an employee's performance over the past months.
• Assess how the results compare to the objectives.
• Provide feedback on strengths and areas for improvement.
• Set an action plan for the next quarter.

Goals of one-on-one meetings:

• Give your employees enough time to discuss challenges, problems, and feedback, and to strengthen their relationship with their manager.
• Identify and remove obstacles.
• Discuss development and advancement opportunities.
• Provide continuous coaching and feedback

If you only give yourself and your team feedback every three months, you are not fostering an environment for open, honest, and mutual communication.

4. Steering the Flow of the Conversation

One-on-one meetings should be seen as time for the employee. Put your employee's concerns first and create an atmosphere where they feel comfortable and can express their opinion freely. This means not only leaving the conversation flow and agenda up to them but also encouraging them to take the lead.

Communicate clearly and explicitly with your employees about the purpose and format of one-on-one meetings. Make it clear that you value their input and expect them to actively contribute to shaping the conversation.

Then make a conscious effort to improve your active listening skills. As mentioned earlier, active listening doesn't just mean hearing the words; it also means paying attention to non-verbal signals, showing genuine interest, and responding thoughtfully. Practice being fully present during the conversation.

5. Do not expect your employees to open up before you do yourself.  

Keep in mind that you hold a leadership position, and it can be intimidating for employees to confide in you. That's why it is important to create a safe environment where thoughts, feelings, and challenges can be shared openly.  

A crucial skill that every leader should continuously practice and improve is authentic leadership. Leaders who can acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses to themselves and their team bring out the best in their team.  

Here are some ways leaders can practice authentic leadership:

• Be open. This can be a simple sentence like: 'I am in a leadership position for the first time and am working hard to be the leader you deserve. But there is still a lot I can work on. So if you have feedback, I want you to know that this is a safe space where feedback is welcome from both sides. This way we can both grow.
• Create a psychologically safe environment. Does your team feel secure enough to give feedback, raise challenges, and be authentic in one-on-one meetings? If not, you should work on creating such an environment.
• Encourage exchange. This means more than simply telling your employees that you welcome their feedback and suggestions. Transparency and the implementation of feedback play a crucial role in whether your employees open up. For example, if they give you feedback and you react defensively or nothing changes, you actively discourage them from opening up. The next time you receive feedback, analyze your response and strive for transparency regarding the next steps. Then identify areas where you can improve further (and work on them consistently!).

Principles for Effective One-on-One Meetings

1. Regular communication with employees

Whether in person, via video call, or chat – managers should get in touch with their employees at least once a week. 70% of employees want more weekly or even daily conversations with their supervisors. According to Gallup, employees who received constructive feedback in the past week are four times more likely to report being engaged.

If you give feedback directly in daily work or in small steps, you increase the likelihood that your employees will improve or build on their strengths. If you wait too long, the feedback loses its connection to the current work, and employees are more likely to perceive it as too little and too late.

2. Designing a Focused and Flexible Agenda

Agendas may seem too formal to some, but they help you concentrate on what matters to employees and give them the feeling that they are doing meaningful work (and not just another appointment on the calendar).

Leaders should ask employees about the following topics:

• Well-being and engagement
• Work style and satisfaction
• Company culture and team dynamics
• Concerns or obstacles
• Opportunities for professional development
• Insights into personal relationships
• Feedback and support needs

If you need help formulating an overarching goal, here is an example of a description that you can add to your one-on-one meeting:

"In this conversation, we want to talk about your personal and professional development, your goals, and opportunities for growth. We are both asked to contribute to the agenda. However, since you ultimately lead the conversation, your agenda items are our top priority."

3. Be present and actively listen

To conduct successful one-on-one meetings, leaders need to improve their communication skills through active listening. Active listening means showing the other person that you are paying attention.

For example:

• Ask clarifying questions to ensure that you have understood what was said.
• Never interrupt your employee. Let them finish their thoughts (and listen to them attentively).
• Take notes, especially if you need to do something for your employee.

Most importantly, remember that a successful one-on-one meeting is one in which your employee can express their feelings.

4. Offering Constructive Feedback and Support

One-on-one meetings provide leaders with an excellent opportunity to build trust and a good relationship with each team member. Instead of merely giving status reports, managers should remove obstacles and provide their employees with the necessary resources to perform at their best.

Here are some examples of how you can provide constructive feedback and support:

• How do you feel about your workload? Too much work or poor project management can easily lead to burnout. It is your job to recognize when your employee is stressed or anxious, understand the reasons behind it, and respond accordingly.
• How have you already tried to solve this problem? Instead of immediately solving the problem for your employee, empower them to solve it themselves by suggesting relevant resources or contacts.
• How did you proceed in this case? Of course, you can help identify areas for improvement when problems arise. Equally important, however, is highlighting successful processes so that they can be applied again.  
• Is there currently anything that is slowing you down or blocking you? How can I support you? Sometimes employees lack the necessary transparency or authority to solve every problem on their own. Your role as a leader is therefore to clear the path for them.  
• What are you currently working on that best aligns with your overarching goals? Not everyone has a clear career path in mind, but this question helps you understand your employees' development interests as well as their current contribution.

5. Promote Gradual Improvements Through Feedback

One-on-one meetings provide leaders with a valuable opportunity to help employees make gradual improvements through feedback.

Here are some key strategies to make your employees more receptive to feedback:

• Start by acknowledging the employee's strengths and achievements and creating a positive atmosphere before addressing areas for improvement.
• Instead of overwhelming employees with a long list of criticisms, identify a few key areas where they need to develop and provide clear guidance on how they can improve their performance in those areas.
• Regularly refer back to previous discussions to track progress, offer continuous support, and emphasize the importance of gradual improvements.

One-on-one meetings are the single most effective tool managers have for cultivating trust, increasing employee engagement, and preventing attrition. Avoiding the five common mistakes, especially shifting the focus from status updates to development and actively practicing authentic leadership, transforms these meetings from administrative burdens into essential growth opportunities. IceHrm's Performance Management module is designed to streamline and support effective one-on-ones. It provides the necessary digital structure to schedule regular meetings (Strategy 1), allows managers and employees to collaboratively build a focused agenda (Principle 2) with pre-defined questions, and creates a documented history of coaching and constructive feedback (Principle 4). By integrating these practices within IceHrm, managers ensure their time is spent on meaningful conversation, not administrative overhead, reinforcing the bond that is vital for preventing quiet quitting and driving high performance.