Do all the others work happily from afar without me too? Exploring social well-being

It's high time we adapt our social life to our virtual reality.

In 2019, women told Inherited that there are three things they value more than anything else in the workplace: pay, paid time off, and great coworkers. We called these the core benefits because they came up so often over the years that we considered them indispensable. Then the pandemic began.

Over the years 2020, 2021, 2022, and 2023, we observed how the most important things on our platform changed. Remote work and flexible hours increased, and our benchmark for great colleagues, 'The people you work with,' declined. On our list of 17 criteria, it kept declining until it landed in fifth place, where it currently stands. In 2024, only about 48.2 percent of women say that great colleagues are one of their top three must-haves at the workplace.

That's about half of all women but compared to the 87.8 percent of women currently seeking remote work, half is actually a small percentage. And although this new era has its advantages – telecommuting and flexible working offer people the freedom to develop in the way that suits them best – this change raises the question: Does it matter that interpersonal relationships in the workplace seem to be 'neglected'?

Social well-being, the workplace, and the disappearance of connections

The superficial answer is yes, because work has long been a passive means for personal connections and the need for such interactions is inherent.

'Humans are inherently social beings, 'says Dr. Kate Sullivan, a work and well-being psychologist who teaches at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh, Scotland. 'We are made to hang out in groups and rely on the help and support of others. 'The old saying 'No man is an island' is used for good reason – we can live in isolation and get along with each other more or less, but to truly succeed, we need connections to others.

What Sullivan describes are elements of our social well-being, the relationships we have, and the way we interact with others. It is the cocktail of strong and weak bonds with our 'regulars' that gives us the feeling of belonging. In the past, work was an intoxicating ingredient in this cocktail.

In the past, the water cooler was the place where you laughed with your best work colleague or flirted with your office crush. Company parties were for chatting and sometimes for drinking and even if you had no social plans after work, you could still socialize. You got up, got dressed, and socialized.

For many remote employees, this is no longer the case, and the stark difference in our daily lives has consequences. In a survey by Promo leaf on remote work, more than a third of women (39 percent) and more than half of men (53 percent) reported struggling with loneliness. A study by Glassdoor reported similar findings: A third of employees of all genders felt the burden of isolation.

'I am an advocate for flexible, hybrid, and remote work because it often is the best solution for people the way we can achieve balance and improve our lives and identities outside of the work context (and thereby enhance our work performance!),' says Sullivan. 'But because work is so central to modern life and identity, the transition to an era where we have fewer high quality personal interactions around our work can be a problem.'

Moreover, lack of connection has been a major health issue for years. Factors such as the rise of physically isolating technologies like social media, the epidemic of male loneliness, the disappearance of free places to hang out and meet people (these are referred to as third places), and the pandemic continue to destroy opportunities to build interpersonal relationships. In 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy even declared loneliness and isolation an epidemic, highlighting the high cost of separation.

It has been proven that telework promotes a more equitable lifestyle and takes into account the needs of groups such as working parents, women, and people with disabilities. And although loneliness is increasing, many employees, regardless of their demographic affiliation, do not want to return to in-person work. In the same Promo leaf survey, 95 percent of remote workers stated that they felt more connected to their employer while working from home, and 52 percent said they would actually quit or look for another job if asked to return to the office full-time.

The problem with our dwindling social well-being is therefore not telework itself. It's about how we adapt to build social networks – and support our teams and ourselves in the new normal.

Social well-being in a remote or hybrid work environment

Let's start with the adaptation of the workplaces themselves. During the lockdown due to the pandemic, your company may have implemented a series of tactics to maintain a semblance of culture. Regular stand-ups, town halls, fireside chats, and rules requiring employees to keep their cameras on – all of these are common methods employers have used to try to increase face time. But they rarely lead to people feeling more connected.

'Forced interactions like mandatory weekly meetings or monthly 'Catch-up Socials' are not the way to promote social well-being in your team,' says Sullivan. 'Instead, people start to wonder what else they could be doing with that time, whether it's making progress on their reports or getting a bit more sleep.

'Social well-being is about high-quality, authentic interactions. This increases employee satisfaction, well-being, and performance. 'These 'All Hands' calls, just so everyone can see each other, are not really helpful,' she says. 'Instead, consider quarterly meetings where work and leisure are combined in a less structured way, or think about organizing an offsite meeting once a year where remote, hybrid, and on-site employees come together in a relaxed environment.' Let employees organize their own social activities or just hang out together.

This comes with a change in mindset, because 'work isn't for hanging out, is it?' Yes, it is. To build a culture where employees feel supported in taking time for these casual and, dare we say, enjoyable interactions, many of us need to acknowledge what we've always known about personal work: This part of the day has always been spent chatting with colleagues. This time of "slacking off" was important, and what seemed like unproductive chit-chat was in fact very productive.

'Just like in the rest of life, we are not isolated at work either even a freelancer working from home is part of a complex network of other people with whom they must interact professionally,' says Sullivan. 'Think about it.' Your orders come from someone. You give someone work. You rely on others to do their work so that you can do your work. Having solid connections with these people respecting them professionally, even if you wouldn't hang out with them on weekends is crucial to doing your best work.

Regarding the authenticity Sullivan spoke of, it most often occurs when leaders and managers completely withdraw from interactions with employees. 'Today, you might have an 'off-topic' Slack channel or offer to set up group chats for employees with shared hobbies or interests but then you absolutely have to step back,' she says. 'If employees feel that their social interactions with colleagues are being monitored or evaluated by management, they will not benefit from these interactions and might even reject them or stop using them altogether.'

The best approach is for employers to offer their employees multiple options to decide for themselves about their interactions and engagement. "Give them the platforms and opportunities and then step back." Let people quit their jobs at the end of the day or when their work is done. Give them the opportunity to shape their leisure time exactly as it is – free to live out their identity outside of work. You will be amazed at how much social well-being is promoted through trust and authentic connection opportunities both at work and outside of it.

Monitoring the health of your own social well being

Employers and the environment they cultivate are an important factor, but the other main influence on social well-being in the workplace is someone you hopefully know really, really well. Yourself. How you approach the health of your social well-being entirely depends on what you enjoy and how you like to communicate and connect.

'Some people are perfectly happy and thrive with online friendships, while others wither without seeing their friends in person six out of seven evenings,' says Sullivan. 'We instinctively know our own needs and boundaries the trick is to respect those, rather than trying to change them based on what we think 'society' wants or prefers.

' That means introverts or people with social anxiety shouldn't force themselves to meet 20 new people at the bar. "Instead, think about the interactions that fulfill and satisfy you, and try to cultivate more of them," says Sullivan. Extroverts and ambiverts Join coworking spaces, local amateur sports groups, theaters, or other in-person activities to increase your interactions.

And although there are dozens of surveys and research tools designed to help people assess the health of their social connections, Sullivan recommends instead relying on a simple question for self-reflection

By looking inward, you may find that you’re already exhibiting signals that something needs to change. Do you find yourself regularly missing the good old’ days of coffee breaks with your work bestie? Do you shudder every time someone mentions after-work drinks?' she says. 'Listen to your gut and don’t be afraid to double down on the stuff that makes you feel whole, healthy, and validated even if it’s not ‘normal.’ Normal is literally what we decide it is—and your normal may not be someone else’s.'

Beyond those initial pangs, if long-term you’re feeling depleted or upset, these are red flags that your social wellbeing is flagging. But if you’re feeling numb, exhausted, or like everything is pointless or a “non-event" and you’re no longer enjoying even your favorite meetups, these may be signs of burnout or depression. Seek professional help and, if you’re employed, inform your manager.

'A good manager will help you adjust your workload and conditions to better recover, while a trained therapist, counselor, or medical professional can help you address the root causes,' she says.

'Please don’t just ‘soldier on,’ and please don’t ignore the value of having interests, interactions, and identity that have absolutely nothing to do with your work that’s one of the fastest ways to burn yourself out very thoroughly indeed. We don’t want that for you.

Offers four ways to improve your social well-being at work and beyond

1. Participate in activities at work that engage you

it is important that you do not simply participate in social activities because everyone else is doing them. You won't find fulfillment if you follow the crowd. 'Take every opportunity to interact at work that speaks to you,' she says. 'If you don't like company softball, don't join but if you enjoy playing, you could organize an online Fall Guys tournament for the company or start a Slack channel where everyone can share Animal Crossing tips and turnip prices.'

2. Explore more than just a 'work best friend'

Work friends can not only significantly increase your job satisfaction but also boost your social well-being. a little. 'Having a 'best friend at work' can be a great form of social support, but it can also cause a lot of anxiety when one of you inevitably changes jobs,' says Sullivan. 'Our social well-being improves the most when we have a range of connections some stronger and deeper, some more superficial or irregular because we are not static beings.' Ideally, all parts of you feel supported and included, whether you just want to be silly and send cat pictures or have a deep conversation about your life or career. And this flexibility and variability includes where your social network comes from you need connections both at work and outside of it.

3. Take a break from your work

Burnout is one of our least favorite seven-letter words, yet hustle culture continues to glorify the grind. To ensure your wellbeing on all levels, including socially, you should draw boundaries between your work and your personality. 'There may be times when you have to work long hours and extra days to meet a deadline, but you need to make up for it,' says Sullivan. 'If you work around the clock, you will eventually suffer a severe burnout.' Don't be afraid of times when you do what's required and don't go the extra mile. A life outside of work, with hobbies and social contacts that have nothing to do with your job, will greatly improve your life and well-being and make you a better employee in the long run.

4. Build an identity outside of work

Speaking of gaining distance: This person who prioritizes their job title first and their people second? Don't let that be you any longer. Start building relationships outside of the office and follow your passions, interests, and curiosity. Whatever brings you joy. 'Do you feel isolated or find it difficult to maintain a social life outside of work?' 'Try to reach out to a community that aligns with your interests, whether online or in real life,' says Sullivan. 'Reddit forums for your area, craft groups in a local café, or taking courses in something you've always wanted to try can all be great ways to build your connections.' And don't underestimate the importance of long-distance relationships we need a mix of different types to thrive, and if your text messages are filled with people, you enjoy hearing from, it can significantly boost your social well-being, even if you are currently not in a position where personal interaction is easily possible.

Don't forget, amidst all this, why you are even evaluating your social well-being.

'If you used to be the life of the party and went out every night, but now find it exhausting and would rather bake bread and get some sleep?' Good for you,' says Sullivan. 'But you can only eat a certain amount of bread before it goes stale.' With whom do you want to share it? Learn to respect your own needs and boundaries, as well as those of others. Recharge at every opportunity, and don't hesitate to sometimes let others support you; you will return the favor when someone else needs you.

Social well being is about connection, support, and learning to share the load. In our increasingly disconnected world, this means building a community that allows you to be healthy and happy far into the future whether in personal conversations, at work, or outside of work. Healthy and happy as a whole person.